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Saturday, October 10, 2015

You're support might save MY life!!!

I have been coerced into participating in a run.  I do not do runs as they generally don’t work out well for me.  The last (and only) time I participated in one was the Vancouver winter 2010 Olympics and that turned out to be a televised national disaster.  All I had to do was run a few hundred meters and hand off the torch to the next runner.  You can click on the YouTube video link below to see how that worked out:

The cardiac rehab group I belong to is participating in the Great Pumpkin Run Walk to raise additional funds for our local hospital’s ER.  Since that was where I was taken when I had my heart attack it was suggested it might be nice if I supported it.  There was no pressure applied to me.  Just a threat to put up pictures of those who DON”T run in the hospital’s ER admitting room with a diagonal line through it and a caption below that reads “Do not resuscitate under any circumstances.”

I suppose if I HAVE to walk for a cause, the cardiac group is a good one for me to support.  I’m not suffering from too many other diseases.  As those of you who follow my blog know, I had a prostate operation a few months ago, but since it wasn’t prostate cancer, it doesn’t count.  It was for a TURP which is a fancy name for a “ream job” so I can pee better, farther and longer (in between).  I suppose I could start a run for the TURP.  But it wouldn’t be very far as we’d need porta-pottys every hundred feet and it would probably take three days to complete the 1K walk.

Then there’s hemorrhoids – but who’s going to get behind that?

So I’m going to bite the bullet and do the 5K walk for the hospital.  But it’s not enough just to walk….  I have to get people to “support” me.  It’s not just the fact that I have to hit up family, friends and readers for cash, it’s what if nobody gives anything?   What does that say about me?  It means I have to make up names – and how demeaning is that?

So I’ve decided to take a page out of those Vegamatic commercials and market myself better.  So here’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to make you an offer no one else has ever made to you when appealing for support on one of these run/walks:  If I fail to complete the walk because I have a have a heart attack doing it, I’ve instructed my wife to make sure that each and every one of you get a full refund! How’s that for a money back lifetime guarantee?  

But wait...  There’s MORE!!!

If I actually die doing this (and there’s always that chance – look again at the torch drop.  See how close I came to setting myself on fire).  I’ve instructed her to give you double your money back!   Pledge just  ten bucks, and if I croak you get twenty back!   Further, if you bid a hundred dollars or more, I’ll take you off all my mailing lists!

So, I’m appealing to you to support a great cause – me…     and the Peace Arch Hospital  & Community Health Foundation  on the Great Pumpkin Run Walk on Sunday October 18th.    You can pledge your support to me by going HERE and clicking on my name and pledging a few bucks for a good cause.  Five bucks?  Ten bucks?  Whatever.  I’m a low achiever so I’ve set my goal low.  So forget the cause just click on the link and make me look good. 

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